Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
