i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
