its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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