At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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