I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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