well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm at about main and main street
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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