the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
