Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
