did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
