trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
