Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
