; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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