Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
