One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
