you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
