i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
