If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
