you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
