There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
