I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
