3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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