Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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