My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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