Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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