i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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