4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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