i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
