you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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