It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We talked him into tasing himself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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