Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
