Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
