i just wanna soil my oats bro
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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