Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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