watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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