My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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