I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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