butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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