Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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