I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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