I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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