I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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