I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
