Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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