So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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