mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
