Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
