Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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