omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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