I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
