Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
